Creepy Children. By Jeeto.

I can't say the following is something that "pisses me off" but it falls into the "...and more!" category of our blog site. So no bitching, please.

Creepy Child Event 1:

Okay, so I don’t want to sound like a complete jackass by saying that I don’t understand how people, in this case “children,” just naturally flock to something cute, cuddly and adorable—but from a dog owner standpoint there is a point where this “flocking” becomes rather… creepy. I speak in reference to the other night when Jaki and I attended her little brother’s baseball game. We had our two Chihuahua pups with us, Daphne and Charley, both of whom are very cute and as a general rule draw some sort of attention from people by either “ooohing” or making comments about how their bigger dog could “eat them in one bite” or “take a crap bigger than that…” (The latter of which deserves its own blog.)

What I don’t expect to have happen to us as we walk our dogs through a baseball field is to turn around and have six or seven zombie children slowly preying upon us like indigenous hunters. The crazed and sweetly-demonic looks on their dirty mustard-smeared faces was far more terrifying than the fact that they had managed to stray from their parents who, by this point, were halfway across the park—it was just like a scene from “Children of the Corn” or “Children of the Damned.” I laughed it off, uncomfortably… But nevertheless, the event still chills me to the bone.

Creepy Child Event 2:

I was in IKEA (with Steeto and her sis, Deeto) in Portland, Oregon over the weekend—We had managed to make our way through endless hoards of families and crying babies to gather our much needed items for purchase and as I approached the checkout line, I was instantly cut off by a lady who no longer wanted to wait behind her friend at the neighboring counter. I was slightly annoyed, thinking to myself, “Uhm, did you NOT just see me walking up here?” But I remained calm and decided to focus on the fact that I was purchasing a funky light fixture, some awesome fabric and a couple delightfully fragrant candles. What I didn’t notice, as I was standing there watching the lady and the checkout clerk interact, was that her baby/beast/child was literally 15 inches away from me, sitting in the shopping cart. It was like I could suddenly tell I was being watched and as I looked down, just enough for the frighteningly long-faced troll-child with curly hair to come into view—it screamed at me! Like serious demon-child screamage. It took me a second to figure out exactly what had happened and I’m sure I even jumped a little. I tried to give one of those “Oh, such a cute baby” smiles in case its mother was watching, but I couldn’t seem to muster one up. I did however start laughing to myself and was hoping to God that Steeto and Deeto caught all the action and that the thing's mother was NOT watching me laugh at her ugly kid. I couldn’t even look back at the child for fear that my reaction would be too transparent. When I was a safe distance from the checkout and sure that the terror child was far from me and my group I asked if they had witnessed the horror I went through. Of course, they hadn’t been paying attention to me. Go figure.