Gym Etiquette 101. By Brooke (Guest BitchBlogger).

After reading Jeeto’s latest bitchfest entry I was inspired to contribute my own story in hopes to get at least one of my issues off my chest. As an avid runner and occasional “bodypumper” I have been an active and loyal member of a local gym since moving to Boise two years ago. Any of you who are active gym goers can understand that there is a whole set of rules and etiquette that come with working-out; the majority of which is unspoken but understood by most. Unfortunately not everyone is blessed with common sense, which brings me to my story. This particular Wednesday, I arrived at the gym just before 6pm which was my first mistake as this is the busiest time of the day. As I circled the premises looking for an open treadmill, I silently cursed all of the “New Year’s Resolution” patrons who have inflexed the gym since January and usually linger around until March – that’s a whole separate bitchfest entry. Anyway, after a couple of circles and no treadmill to be found, I finally settled on an elliptical in the “exclusive” women’s workout section of the gym. While I hate the elliptical, I figured I would squeeze in a bit of extra cardio until a treadmill became available. Sure enough, five minutes later one opened up. I promptly grabbed my belongings and started towards the vacant machine. Just as I was stepping on, I heard this extremely rude “Excuse Me!” I looked over to see that the culprit was an extremely thin older woman with big bushy curls, standing on the elliptical next to my treadmill. “Oh,” I stammered shocked and surprised, “were you getting on this treadmill?” She looked at me accusingly and rudely snarled “uh yeah!” Again, shocked by her tone and malicious looks I slinked away like a scorned dog and let the bitch have the treadmill. I then retreated back to my elliptical, fighting tears the whole way. I know, a bit dramatic but I was in shock that a stranger would speak to me that way and upset that I let her get away with it! I spent the next 20 minutes fuming and shooting glares in her direction whenever possible…though I don’t think she noticed. While I have been known to be slightly obsessive with my workouts I vowed then and there to never let myself get to the point that the obviously anorexic woman had gotten to. To the old skinny woman with the big curly hair – get over yourself and realize that you are so thin that you should give your poor body a break. Also, since you go to a PUBLIC gym, note that you do not have any prior claim on any workout equipment. I know it may be difficult for you but try to show a little bit of common courtesy to those around you.

Someone at Starbucks is Annoying. By Jeeto.

Ok, so my debit card is a little messed up. My dog, Charles, took it out of my pocket one day and chewed on it a little and the resulting teeth marks occasionally make it difficult to swipe during sales transactions. The key word here being, “occasionally.” And in the unlikely event that the swipe doesn’t read, the cashier will key in the number manually and I will be on my way—a happy, satisfied customer. This is the same sort of “method” I was accustomed to, having worked in customer service for the last 11 years of my life. If the swipe didn’t take (because of card or machine), I kindly entered in the number. No big deal. No fuss. I get my money and the customer moves on.

Does it work that way at the Starbucks in downtown Boise? Let's see...

The last two times that I’ve decided to waste my hard earned money on non-local coffee I’ve been rather annoyed at a particular attractive blonde woman, in her 40s, who’s made it her mission to lecture me about “getting a new debit card” when the first swipe doesn’t take. The first time I was caught off guard and stood there, rather perplexed, when she turned proctor on me and decided to school me in the process of getting a new debit card from my bank.

She told me:

1.) That it’s easy to get a new debit card from my bank. I would just need to request one at my main branch.

2.) That since I’m just requesting a replacement card, that I wouldn’t even have to change my pin number!!!

3.) All about other customers who have screwed up cards (way more so than mine) that she tells to get new cards, too.

I really wanted to tell her that:

1.) I’m not an idiot and I know how to request a new debit card from my bank.

2.) I don’t give a shit that she has to swipe more than once because:
a.) My debit card works just fine with the exception of like 2 places.
b.) She’s the only person who has a problem swiping it at that EXACT same Starbucks.
c.) That I’ve dealt with unfortunate cards for years and never once thought to tell people to get a new debit card—that just comes with the territory of accepting cards.

3.) Sometimes, maybe unbeknownst to her, that requesting a debit card can result in years of torture and dismay when the bank can’t seem to get it right. (When I was with WaMu (now Chase!) I received TWO debit cards that would decline me at every transaction and would only work as an ATM card, even though the bank could never find a problem with them. I eventually stopped using my debit card for like an entire year and then finally when I decided that I wanted to try again, they sent me a card for the wrong account… Needless to say, I’m not banking with them any longer.)

4.) It’s not her business to tell me what I need to do. It’s her business to smile, work through any problems, and serve me a hot/cold beverage.

I didn’t say anything. I just smiled and walked away, confused and bewildered… Like, “Did that really happen?” And I thought that maybe I was just being insensitive to her rights as a public servant and that my debit card delay might have somehow made her day a few seconds off… But the more that I thought about it and the more that I recounted my years in customer service and my years of training OTHERS in customer service, that this is probably a discussion I wouldn’t recommend for my employees to engage in. I guess I have the mind set of, if you’re taking someone’s money, you should do so with a smile and be happy to swipe several times, punch numbers in if you have to, call those authorization lines, swim to the bottom of the ocean… Whatever. But don’t lecture them or make them feel like idiots because YOUR machine has trouble reading THEIR card. Because YOUR machine is not EVERY machine and THEIR card may work at MILLIONS of other locations.

Today, when I went in today with a co-worker I had this same Starbucks associate. And guess what happened again? Yes. But this time I just simply said, “Well it works everywhere else.” And she didn’t seem to care about that… Because she still lectured me like I was five and went into detail about how people come in and give her cards that are split in half… bla bla bla bla… And seriously… Her bitching about my card that took her 3 or 4 swipes took longer than the swiping itself, so obviously she's not concerned about hurrying up.

Needless to say, I will continue to support Java—which I like better anyway. It’s locally owned and my card works there like a charm. The employees remember my name and what I like to drink and they’re always friendly, talkative, and tend to make me feel good. So in some ways, I should thank stupid Starbucks babe for making me see that I shouldn’t bother from straying my usual, local taste. “Thanks!”

Is that a Vagina You're Zapping in the Microwave? By sTeeTo

Oh, it's not? That's odd, because it smells EXACTLY like a vagina. 

Okay, so I know I am not alone here, but this is an obvious one people. This is simple etiquette in the work place. It's not even etiquette, it's more of a logical thought process. Let me lay it out for you. If something that you consume has the reputation of smelling like genitalia, DO NOT heat it up at WORK in the microwave. Period.

Do you remember the first time you made that brilliant decision to be selfish and force everyone to smell a steaming hot vagina during the lunch hour? Yes? Okay, so do you remember everyone around you commenting about how fucking disgusting it smelled? Not ONE person complimented on how succulent the aroma was that permeated from your lunch that day, not ONE. Okay, so with that in mind, why in the fuck would you do this again? Why? 

Please, do us all a favor and eat your fish at home. 

If I had the means to replicate the odor of a sweaty ball sac in liquid form, I would do so in a heart beat. Then, do you know what I would do? I would pour it in my Vegetable Soup and heat that shit up on "Supafly TNT Muthafuckin' HIGH" for twenty-five minutes,  JUST to spite you. Luckily (for all of us),  I do not have the resources to achieve this repulsive endeavor. I do know that even if I was capable of such things that the logical thought process that I mentioned earlier would kick in and I would be reminded that YOU are not the ONLY one in the work place. I would never put the rest of my co-workers through something so horrifying. This may come as a shock, but it's not all about you. 

Would you like a side of old hag with that? By Jeeto.

Bad customer service irritates me a lot. Like tonight when Beeto, Smooley and I went to WinCo to get a pizza (it was nearby). We basically walked up to the counter and the Andre the Giant (only shorter and less charming) hulk of a employee stepped up to the counter and asked what we wanted. I had never ordered pizza there before, so I didn't know what I wanted or what types of deals they may have. So I skimmed the menu and asked nicely about one of the specials to which the Hills Have Eyes extra rudely replied, "Why don't you read it first and then you'll know." 

At first I was confused... Did she REALLY just say that?! And for a second I tried to actually read the sign like she asked, but there were like 100 words on it and then I just took a step back and looked into her evil beady eyes and  said, "nevermind." So we all left.

I called WinCo and spoke to a manager later about the horrendous service I received. But seriously though... She needs to be fired. I've always worked in customer service in some form or another and I rock at it. Which is why I don't put up with receiving shitty customer service. 

But, I should look on the bright side. We went to Papa Murphy's and received not only great customer service, but excellent pizza... Which is probably what we wouldn't have got at WinCo.

sTeeTo Forgets... By Jeeto

I guess Stedds forgot to mention to our trusty readers that the Plumber has left her building for 3 months. She's taken some vacation disability leave, during which time she will be visiting the beach and eating ice cream seeing her physical therapist 3 times a week. She wants to remind everyone, however, NOT to forget about her when it comes to Christmas gifts or get-togethers that involve the consumption of food.

You're welcome Steets.

J

Thanks to The Plumber!!

I am just getting ready for work and am already frustrated before I am even there! Do you want to know why? Because now that The Plumber is only allowed to work two hours at a time doing data entry, everyone else gets fucked. How so? Well everyone used to get a break from the public by either scanning or doing mail every few weeks. Now we are just going back and forth from the counter to the phones. It is absolutely ridiculous. This will only cause more frustration with my co-workers and most likely even more people will be calling in sick, because I'm sorry, but one can only handle so much of dealing with fucking morons on a daily basis. I am just pissed at the moment, I know that not everyone is a moron that has a traffic ticket, but this is what happens when you don't get a break from the public. It affects EVERYONE. What's even more amazing is when she is going back and forth to her chosen little jobs she takes at least 20 minutes and by the time she is there she hardly does a fucking thing. Okay I'm done for now. This is basically a free write so I'm just letting it all out for now. I better get ready for the day. This will be my motivation to get the fuck out. Graphic Design here I come!! 

The Ergonomic Adventures of The Plumber, Part 1...by sTeeTo

I honestly thought that this Plumber ordeal couldn't get much worse. Boy, was I mistaken. Not only has it gotten worse,  it has morphed into something rather humiliating. Humiliating to the Plumber? Oh no, of course not. Remember, she still considers herself a Diva, or better yet, The Diva. The Non-Plumbers of this world would see this as a "I want to dig a hole in the ground six feet deep using nothing but my bare hands and bury myself right now" kind of deal. Why has it come to this point, you ask?  Well, if you will take my hand, I will introduce you to the Ergonomic Adventures of The Plumber. Oh and before we start, be sure you have a lumbar support for your lower back, don't forget to keep your legs bent at a ninety-degree angle, and please be sure both of your feet are flat on the floor. Okay, now we're ready for the Ergonomic Adventures of The Plumber. 

First of all, as we all know, working in any type of office environment requires one to use a rubber stamp. You may think that this action doesn't require, well, any action. Oh, but you are misinformed my fellow office clerk. Let me mention a few of the muscles involved and see if you can guess where these are located. The Longus Capitis, Infarhyoids, Suprahyoids, Splenius Capitis and the Semispinalis Capitis. Now you might think these muscles would be found in the wrist or perhaps even the arm. That would be the logical guess, seeing that we don't use our feet to stamp with or we don't put the fucking thing in our mouths and bang our heads atop our desks, unless you're into that type of thing. Okay, I'm getting side tracked. I think my lumbar support needs readjusting. Okay, that's better. I'm back on track. Do you know where the Plumber had her "on the job" injury? In her neck. So you guessed it! She has managed to get the Ergonomics Team involved and supply her with a gigantic time stamp machine that was built in 1962 because of her fucking NECK! So now, for anyone who is lucky enough to sit at her knick-knack infested desk they now have even LESS desk space due to this monstrosity. More kudos to The Plumber! Way to go! You get five stars for making an even bigger ass of yourself. So, do me a favor. The next time you use your rubber stamp think about how much you're NOT using your neck to do this or even better try to use your neck while you stamp. I'm guessing you'll have to get the creative juices flowing on this one. Why? Because we don't use our fucking necks to stamp documents!!